When Should You Start Managing an Aging Parent’s Care? - A Proactive Timeline Every Adult Child Should Know

It usually doesn’t happen during a medical emergency.

It starts to happen on a random Tuesday, when your parent casually mentions they forgot to pay the electric bill again. You notice unopened mail stacked high by their door. They laugh off a fall that left a deep bruise they insist is “nothing.”

For many adult children, the realization comes slowly but unmistakably: Something has shifted. Waiting until a crisis hits often means scrambling to make major medical, legal, and living decisions under stress, guilt, and time pressure.

The good news? You can get ahead of this. In fact, you are, right now, as you read this article detailing a proactive timeline to help adult children understand when to put key medical, legal, financial, and living arrangements in place and how to do it in a manageable way. Whether your parent is in their 60s and fiercely independent or well into their 80s and starting to struggle, there are things you can help them do so you can both be better prepared in this chapter.

What we observe in our geriatric care management practice is that many families delay managing an aging parent's care because it feels premature, uncomfortable, or even disrespectful. But proactive planning can and should be done thoughtfully for the benefit of everyone involved in order to preserve dignity, autonomy, and choice.

When plans are made early:

• Parents retain more say in their future

• Adult children avoid crisis-driven decisions

• Medical emergencies are easier to navigate

• Family conflict is reduced

• Financial mistakes and legal delays are minimized

So, without further ado, here is your strategy:

Stage 1: Ages 60–70 - Laying the Foundation

(Even if your parent seems “perfectly fine”)

This is the ideal time to put core documents and conversations in place, before health issues arise.

Key Actions to Take:

1. Establish Essential Legal DocumentsEvery aging adult should have:

• A durable power of attorney

• A healthcare proxy or medical power of attorney

• A HIPAA authorization

• An advance healthcare directive or living will

• An updated will or trust

Without these, adult children may be legally barred from helping during a medical crisis, even if they’re the closest family member.

2. Organize Medical InformationCreate a centralized record that includes:

• Current diagnoses

• Medications and dosages

• Allergies

• Primary care providers and specialists

• Insurance information

This can be digital or physical, but it must be accessible.

3. Start the Conversation EarlyThis is difficult. A lot of people fear they are “planning for decline”, but you can simply ask your parent, “how do you picture your life in 10 or 20 years?”

From here, see where the conversation takes you. Your parent might mention wanting to age in place, downsize, retire or keep working, take up an old hobby, work on a passion project, etc. Ask them whether they have any plans in place or what they would want from you in an emergency. These conversations are easier when they’re hypothetical and far harder when they’re urgent.

Stage 2: Ages 70–80 - Watching for Subtle Shifts

This stage often brings invisible changes: slower recovery times, mild memory lapses, increased isolation, or difficulty managing complex tasks.

Signs It’s Time to Get More Involved

• Missed appointments or medications

• Confusion around finances or bills

• Increased falls or near-falls

• Withdrawal from social activities

• Repeated minor emergencies

Key Actions to Take

1. Review Living ArrangementsAsk:

• Is the home still safe?

• Are stairs becoming an issue?

• Is the neighborhood accessible?

• Is social isolation increasing?

This is a great time to talk to a geriatric care manager who can assess your parent’s situation with a keener eye for potential problems or hazards and recommend a more personalized plan of action, from home modifications to potential activities for socializing.

2. Conduct a Home Safety AssessmentSimple changes can prevent major injuries:

• Grab bars

• Improved lighting

• Removing trip hazards

• Emergency alert systems

3. Evaluate Support SystemsWho helps now?

• Friends?

• Neighbors?

• Family?

• Faith communities?

If support relies on one person, it’s fragile. Here, too, we recommend exploring options for hiring a geriatric care manager. Your parent may not need one full time, but it’s good to have a professional who can get to know your parent’s circumstances (including their medical conditions, medications, allergies, wishes, etc.) and be called in for check-ins and emergencies.

Stage 3: Early 80s - Planning for Support, Not Just Independence

At this stage, even healthy older adults benefit from structured support.

Common Challenges

• Increased medical complexity

• Slower cognitive processing

• Fatigue managing daily tasks

• Greater fall risk

• Transportation limitations

Key Actions to Take

1. Introduce Professional SupportThis may include:

• Geriatric care management

• In-home caregivers

• Medication management

• Care coordination with providers

Introducing help early reduces resistance and builds trust.

2. Revisit Legal and Financial PlansCircumstances change. Documents should reflect:

• Current wishes

• Updated beneficiaries

• New diagnoses

• Changes in family structure

3. Begin Long-Term Care ConversationsThey don’t have to commit yet, but it’s important that everyone understands:

• Assisted living vs. aging in place

• Memory care options

• Financial implications

• Geographic preferences

Note: if this conversation brings up anxieties or you expect it to be overly tense or cause conflict, we recommend bringing in a mediator. Our team offers licensed mediation services that help get everyone on the same page for the senior’s benefit without damaging relationships.

Stage 4: Mid-to-Late 80s - Coordinating Care Across Systems

This is when adult children often shift from supporting to coordinating.

Key Responsibilities Often Include

• Managing medical appointments

• Communicating with multiple providers

• Monitoring cognitive or physical decline

• Overseeing caregivers

• Advocating during hospitalizations

Without coordination, care becomes fragmented — and mistakes happen.

Why Professional Care Management Becomes Critical

A geriatric care manager can:

• Coordinate medical care

• Monitor safety and cognition

• Reduce unnecessary hospitalizations

• Serve as a neutral third party

• Support adult children from burnout

Lastly, we would like to share some common mistakes families make during this whole process so that you’re aware of them and can avoid them:

X - Assuming siblings agree (Clear plans prevent resentment and conflict.)

X - Waiting for a crisis (Emergencies force rushed decisions with limited options.)

X - Avoiding difficult conversations (Silence doesn’t preserve peace. It delays clarity.)

X - Trying to do everything alone (Caregiving is not meant to be a solo role. Burning out helps no one.)

Think of a care manager as a guide through aging, not just a crisis responder. Geriatric care management is valuable long before a crisis in doing the following:

• Assessing current needs and future risks

• Creating a realistic care roadmap

• Facilitating family conversations

• Coordinating care providers

• Providing ongoing oversight and advocacy

So start earlier than you think. It probably isn’t too soon. Aging is inevitable. Chaos is optional. If you have questions or would like to find out what resources are available to you, reach out to us through our website or on any social media platform. We offer online and in-person assessments and care planning personalized to your situation, needs, and wishes.

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