“What If Something Happens to Me?”: Preparing a Contingency Plan When You’re Your Parent’s Lifeline

Many adult children who shoulder the responsibility of caregiving can become their aging parent’s lifeline, managing doctor’s appointments, paying bills, monitoring medications, and checking in multiple times a day. They may not even think of themselves as a “caregiver” until they suddenly couldn’t be one, and the entire system of support they had built starts to wobble. This is why preparing a contingency plan is crucial, even if it's distinctly uncomfortable.

When one person becomes the central pillar of a parent’s care, that system can feel

manageable… until it isn’t. Accidents, illness, burnout, job loss, relocation, or simply

needing a break are all valid and likely scenarios. The real question is: If something

happened to you tomorrow, would your parent still be okay next week?

This article is about how to answer yes to that question before it becomes urgent.

Step 1: Identify All the Roles You Play

Start by doing a personal “care audit.” Most family caregivers don’t realize how many

invisible tasks they’re performing. Try writing down every task you do for your parent in a

single week.

Common categories include:

• Medical management: Booking appointments, medication reminders, health records.

• Financial support: Paying bills, managing benefits, reconciling accounts.

• Household needs: Groceries, laundry, maintenance, scheduling aides.

• Social/emotional support: Check-ins, transportation, companionship.

• Advocacy and decision-making: Navigating insurance, talking to doctors, handling emergencies.

  
  

This inventory becomes the backbone of your contingency plan. It shows where you’re

indispensable—and where there may be opportunities to delegate.

Step 2: Choose a Backup Person or Team

This is often the hardest step. You may not have a sibling nearby or someone equally

available. But contingency planning doesn’t mean finding your clone—it means building

a sustainable network.

Here’s how:

• Start with your existing circle. Is there a sibling, cousin, family friend, or neighbor who knows your parent and could step in temporarily?

• Be realistic about roles. Maybe your brother can’t handle medical tasks, but he’s great with finances. Don’t force square pegs into round holes.

• Involve your parent. Ask them who they trust and what they’re comfortable with.

A contingency plan that they buy into is far more effective.

In situations with limited family support, this is where a geriatric care manager can be a

crucial partner. As trained professionals who coordinate care, manage transitions, and

advocate for older adults, we often act as backup quarterbacks—ready to step in when

families can’t.

Step 3: Create a “Care Binder”—Physical and Digital

Having a single location where all key information lives can make or break your plan.

Whether it’s a physical folder or a shared digital file (Google Drive or Dropbox work well),

include the following:

• Emergency contacts and phone tree

• List of medications and allergies

• Doctors and specialists, with contact info

• Health insurance and Medicare cards

• Advance directives and POA documents

• Daily and weekly care routines

• Logins and passwords for portals or apps

• List of in-home caregivers or service providers

Bonus tip: Include a short letter of “care preferences” in your parent’s voice—what they

like for breakfast, how they feel about having visitors, music they enjoy. It humanizes the

plan.

Step 4: Formalize Legal Protections

No matter how much verbal trust exists in your family, emergencies require legal

documentation. If you haven’t done this yet, now’s the time:

• Durable Power of Attorney (POA): This allows someone to act on your parent’s behalf for financial or legal matters.

• Healthcare Proxy/Advance Directive: This names who can make medical decisions and includes their wishes.

• HIPAA Release: Allows others to access your parent’s medical information.

• Guardianship fallback plan (if applicable): In complex situations or cognitive decline, you may need legal guardianship down the road—have a plan for who could pursue this if you couldn’t.

These documents should be reviewed by an elder law attorney. If a care manager is

involved, we can coordinate referrals to reputable professionals or help review documents for completeness.

Step 5: Communicate the Plan—Even If It’s Uncomfortable

A plan is only useful if others know it exists. Schedule a family meeting or video call with

everyone who might need to act in your absence. Share the care binder. Walk through a few “what-if” scenarios.

You might say:

“I’m not planning to step away anytime soon, but I want us to be prepared just in case. Here’s where everything is. Here’s who I’d ask to step in, and here’s how we can support them.”

This kind of transparency also builds trust—you’re not dumping responsibility, you’re

creating structure.

Step 6: Schedule a Backup Trial Run

Think of this like a fire drill. Ask your backup person or team to take over for a weekend or

a few days. This is the fastest way to discover what’s missing or unclear.

Did they know where the medication was? Could they get into the patient portal? Did your parent feel safe and comfortable?

Even if everything doesn’t go perfectly, that’s the point—you’ll know where to improve the

plan while stakes are low.

Step 7: Revisit and Refresh Regularly

Your parent’s needs will change—and so will yours. Review your contingency plan at least

every six months, or after any major life change. Keep it flexible, but don’t let it get

outdated.

This is also the time to consider whether bringing in external support—home care,

transportation services, or a care manager—might reduce the load on you or your backup.

Being your parent’s primary support person is an act of deep love—but love alone won’t

hold everything up in a crisis. A contingency plan is a gift not just to your parent, but to

yourself and anyone who may be called upon to step in. It prevents chaos, preserves

dignity, and reinforces what person-centered elder care is truly about: respect, continuity,

and peace of mind.

And if you ever find yourself unsure where to start, or overwhelmed by the planning

process, know that you don’t have to do it alone. Geriatric care managers, like the staff at

Senior Steps, exist for this very reason: to help families prepare, not just react.

If you would like to put an elderly loved one in touch with our team or discuss what we can help you with, contact us at https://www.seniorsteps.org/book-online. Consultations are free of charge.