“I Resent Taking Care of My Parents”: What Caregiver Resentment Really Means and What to Do About It
- seniorsteps
- 3 days ago
- 4 min read
You never imagined you would feel this way about your own parent.
Your recall standing in the kitchen one night, staring at the dishes piled high, listening to your mother calling for help from the living room. I just want five minutes to myself, you thought, instantly ashamed.
If you’ve ever thought to yourself, “I resent taking care of my parents,” you’re far from alone. As geriatric care managers, we hear this confession daily, often spoken through a cloud of exhaustion and guilt.
But resentment isn’t a moral failure. It’s a symptom. And like any symptom, it deserves compassionate understanding and a practical plan to address it.

Resentment among family caregivers usually doesn’t stem from a lack of love. It arises from a mix of emotional, logistical, and psychological pressures. Consider whether any of the following factors apply in your situation:
1. Role Reversal Shock
Watching a parent lose independence can trigger grief, anxiety, and frustration. You may find yourself parenting your parent – an unnatural and uncomfortable inversion of roles.
2. Loss of Autonomy
Caregiving often overtakes your own needs: career, health, relationships, hobbies, rest. The longer these are neglected, the deeper resentment festers.
3. Unrealistic Expectations
Society often glorifies caregiving as noble and selfless, ignoring its daily grind, isolation, and financial burdens. Feeling resentment can then spark shame, compounding emotional strain.
4. Family Conflict
Disagreements with siblings or lack of support from other family members can leave you feeling trapped and angry.
5. Burnout
Unchecked stress over weeks or months morphs into emotional exhaustion, manifesting as resentment or numbness.
Still, what can you do in the face of this resentment? Here are some of our suggestions:
1. Acknowledge Without Judgment
Start by simply naming the feeling:
“I feel resentful right now.”
“I’m overwhelmed and angry, and that doesn’t make me a bad child.”
While this may sound too simple, it works - try it. Suppressing resentment only deepens it. Naming it creates space to respond with clarity instead of shame.
2. Identify the Roots
Ask yourself:
What exactly am I resenting? Loss of freedom? Constant demands? Lack of appreciation?
When do I feel it most strongly? Early morning? Late at night? After work?
Is there someone I feel should be helping more?
Writing this out can reveal actionable insights and patterns.
3. Set Boundaries
Many caregivers think boundaries are selfish. In reality, they’re a prerequisite for sustainable care.
Boundaries might look like:
Saying no to tasks outside your capacity
Scheduling specific days off for rest or social connection
Asking siblings to contribute financially or take certain responsibilities
Limiting phone calls to non-working hours unless it’s an emergency
4. Seek Practical Support
Feeling resentful often signals an unsustainable caregiving arrangement. You may need more help to maintain your health, relationships, and sanity.
At Senior Steps, we frequently work with caregivers feeling exactly this way. Our services lighten your load by:
✔️ Conducting comprehensive care assessments to identify needs and streamline solutions;
✔️ Recommending trusted in-home care providers for personal care, companionship, and skilled nursing;
✔️ Managing transitions between hospital, rehab, and home, avoiding last-minute crises;
✔️ Monitoring medications, health status, and safety risks so you don’t carry that burden alone;
✔️ Advocating with doctors, facilities, and social services to secure quality, dignified care;
✔️ Offering virtual consultations to answer urgent questions and map a plan forward
Even if you continue in a caregiving role, these services can take many responsibilities off your plate, freeing you to remain a loving son or daughter rather than a burned-out nurse, driver, and housekeeper rolled into one.
5. Talk About It
Isolation intensifies resentment. Confide in a friend, therapist, support group, or spiritual advisor. If you feel your mental health declining, seek professional counseling. Caregiver depression and anxiety are real, treatable conditions, not personal weaknesses.
6. Sustain A Relationship Outside of Caregiving
Be intentional about connecting with your aging loved-one outside of providing care and do not let your relationship be reduced to your new roles alone. This is something with which we are proudly able to help many of our clients: by creating a concrete plan and managing aspects of care, we take them off the family caregiver’s mind, allowing you to take a step back and be your aging loved one’s child, niece, nephew, neighbor, spouse, etc.
This is crucial, however, with or without the help of a GCM: as a caretaker, try to spend time with your loved one doing something enjoyable and creating new memories, allowing you both to reconnect as people.
7. Prioritize Your Life Beyond Caregiving
Make intentional space for:
Daily exercise, even if brief
Restful sleep hygiene
Nourishing meals instead of skipped or rushed eating
Hobbies or spiritual practices that refill your emotional reserves
Social interactions unconnected to caregiving
Remember: caring for yourself is not an indulgence – it’s an ethical responsibility to yourself and your loved one.

Keep this in mind: resentment is normal and can be managed, but there is a line where it can turn into danger.
If resentment escalates to thoughts of harming your parent or yourself, or if you’re experiencing unmanageable anger, hopelessness, or suicidal thoughts, seek help immediately:
Call or text 988 if you are in the United States
Reach out to a trusted friend, counselor, or physician today
Contact Adult Protective Services if you fear you may act on anger
These feelings do not make you evil or unworthy. They signal extreme burnout and the urgent need for intervention and support.
Feeling resentment while caring for your parent doesn’t mean you don’t love them. It means you are human, reaching your limit. You deserve help, rest, and the chance to live your life fully, even as you support someone you love.
If you’re ready to create a more balanced, sustainable caregiving plan, book a free consultation with our geriatric care experts at seniorsteps.org/book-online. We’re here to lighten your load, protect your loved one’s dignity, and help you rediscover your own peace of mind.
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